Brought together by the death of a patriarch, "If I Have to Go" is the emotionally charged story of two volatile middle class couples now fighting desperately to escape the consequences of past choices made as they struggle to the end to make sense of love in the face of rejection and loss.
Fiscal Sponsorship through Filmmakers Alliance which is a 501(c)(3) non-profit. That means that all donations for this project are tax-exempt.
Ray and Phil were practically brothers since childhood. After 8 years of estrangement, they are brought together again after the funeral of Ray's father. Numb to life as a result of past choices and betrayals unknown to Phil, Ray nonetheless attempts one more grand gesture to set things right between them. A psychiatrist by trade, Ray's last hope to learn and grow comes from an unwitting source - an elderly gay patient who has experienced a life of genuine love and refuses to let go in spite of his husbands heart attack.
In the face of unemployment and financial hardship, Phil struggles to lasso the moon for his chronically depressed and previously suicidal wife Laura, whose heart lies with another man. At the same time, Ray's wife Tess begins to crack as she fights desperately to keep the quaint little "house of cards" life she's built from collapsing around her. Ray's grand gesture proves to be a bitter-sweet victory for Phil, who's left to pick up the pieces of the broken lives left in Ray's wake.
Ultimately this is a story of love and imperfection. Each couple hangs by fraying emotional threads, twisting and tangling together like dynamite sticks hanging by lit wicks. Humans have an inherent need to be loved, and we can all relate to the challenges, mis-steps, dreams and tragedies born of good intentions in the lives of the four main characters. This film will provide an intimate "window to the soul" of Ray, Tess, Phil and Laura with a beautiful introspection provided by Ray's patient woven through the film. The result will be a compelling film that will leave audiences with no other option but to examine their own lives and choices, and to ultimately appreciate the great power they each possess to give love or create heartbreak in the lives of those around them. "If I Have to Go" is particularly inspired by two films: "God of Carnage" by Tracy Letts, and "Scenes From a Marriage" by Ingmar Bergman. The heart-breaking, intimate view into the unraveling of the complexities of love, brought alive by compelling performances in "Scenes From a Marriage", has haunted writer/director Antony Berrios since he first saw it in 1985. God of Carnage Play written by Tracy Letts touches on themes dissected within the story include marriage, parenthood and social behaviour. Themes that are also touched on in If I Have To Go.
I feel that "Love" is an unshakable, primary desire in our lives. We seek it out; in fact as young children we need it to survive. As it transforms through adolescence, we then continually search for it as adults, for a variety of reasons, both positive and negative. I really wanted to make a film about the complexities of love and the interdependence upon it that seems to be woven into the very fabric of our humanity. I believe strongly that "If I have to Go" is that film. As John Cassavetes put it: "What I think everybody needs is a way to say, 'Where and how can I be in love so that I can live? So that I can live with some degree of peace.'" For me that is why I feel a strong need for these characters (Tess, Ray, Phil, Laura and Henry) to really take love and examine its guts, inside and out; to discuss it and destroy it and kill it; to hurt and destroy each other, and do all the things that we do to each other in the polemic of what "real life" is.
Everything in our lives that affects us is, to one degree or another, determined by the influence of one sex upon the other. For example, as men, the relationships we have in our lives with women are fixed in many respects, and our actions and responses are often triggered by instincts, not our rational minds. The visual style that we have developed for this project is both lyrical and raw at the same time, taking some of the beauty of Tarkovsky's "Sacrifice" and adding to it the grainy realism of "Scenes From a Marriage" (a film which has haunted me since 1985). Stylistically utilizing great restraint in close-ups, and keeping things in medium and wide at first, we will slowly build to our close-ups as we get to know our characters. This will progressively intertwine us with the characters' own needs and emotions as we get to know each of them throughout the film. Each of our four characters, at various stages of being in love, are initially ignorate of their own problems with love, but as the story builds, we're drawn inside them, to experience their epiphanies, devastations, losses and triumphs as if we were experiencing them ourselves. As a result, this closeness will ultimately force us to examine our own need to be loved.
We have assembled an experienced team of film and television veterans that really believes in this project – each one of whom is making financial sacrifices to help make this project happen.
WHAT’S THE MONEY FOR?
We are working hard to make the most movie out of our budget, which is low compared to other films. As with the production, we’ve lined up great deals for our film, but they still cost money.
Camera Rentals and Lights: The look of this film requires certian cameras and lenes to allow us to achieve the feel we want.
Film editing: The art, technique, and practice of assembling shots into a coherent sequence.
Sound editing: The art, technique, and practice of putting together the dialogue, sound effects and music you hear.
Color correction: The process of altering and enhancing the color of a motion picture to help create the final look and feel of the film.
We also need to pay for outputs of the film, music licensing and festival submission fees. This all adds up pretty fast and we should actually be trying to raise more than the stated goal, but we don't want to be unrealistic and we have learned to make money stretch a lot further than expected.
WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU?
So glad you asked. We’ve got some pretty cool rewards for your help and we sincerely appreciate any size donation. If you think of some other reward you’d like, let us know and we’ll see what we can do. Every contribution helps us maximize the potential success of the project and gets us across this finish line and closer to being able to share it with you.
And we promise to keep you, our beloved backers, informed with updates of the entire process!
If I have to go has Fiscal Sponsorship through Filmmakers Alliance which is a 501(c)(3) non-profit.
That means that alll donations for this project are tax-exempt.